The Jealous Curator talks at Hot Art Wet City

  So last night I went to my friend Danielle's talk at Hot Art Wet City where she spoke about her best-selling book Creative Block. As I told you before, Danielle and I have been friends from before our blogging days and I was eager to catch up with her now that we live so far apart. Realistically I knew we wouldn't be able to have one of our coffee chats though because there were far too many people there who wanted to talk to her too. What can I say? She's one popular gal.

  As I was driving to the event I felt nervous for Danielle for having to speak in front of so many people. How was she going to do it?  What if she stumbles on her words? What stories would she be telling? She had said that she would bring up the conversation that we had so many years ago that spurred the Girl Crush Workshop series and the subsequent book. Eeek! I was nervous about that too. Of course I had nothing to be nervous about because Danielle is a fantastic and entertaining speaker who has always  been able to stay authentic and accessible.

As I've watched Danielle's career progress over the years I've noticed with delight how any time she's felt insecure about her choices and worried that she should act like some preconceived idea of an artist, curator or author, that someone has reminded her otherwise. Back in June '09 I had written a post about Danielle's blog to help promote it. Later Danielle had asked me to remove her name from the post because she wanted to remain anonymous as the Jealous Curator. "Why?", I asked. At the time Danielle believed that no one would think a stay-at-home mom in the suburbs would know anything about contemporary art. It didn't fit her preconceived idea of a curator. I didn't agree but I obliged and took her name off. Luckily many other people felt the same as myself and she was exposed for what she is: a formally educated fine artist, a creative director, an educator, and a public speaker who just so happens to also be a stay-at-home-mom who lives in the suburbs. I always thought adding the mom part made everything else look more impressive.

The whole world has asked for Danielle Krysa the original and an altered one won't do. I remind myself of this every time I doubt myself and think I should make my work more like so-and-so's to be more accessible. Stick to the original.

Below are some pics I took of the night's talk. Supposedly the brownie badges are going to be made for purchase. When they come out I'm snagging "My inner critic is an asshole". What's your pick?

Rejection - Bring it on

Trace monotype

  I got another rejection notice the other day. I don't really like rejection when it comes to my art but I'm printing off each one as proof of my efforts and determination. In the past I would take the rejection personally, as though it was a comment not only about my skill but as a rejection of my soul. It hurt a lot. This is what I feel like I was born to do, what do you mean you're not interested in what I have to offer?

  The more I keep trying to put myself out there the less importance the rejections take. I'm not going to stop creating, hurt or not, but I think I'm finally starting to get a thicker skin when it comes to showing my work publicly. I can't say that I'm not discouraged and it certainly feels as though I'm due for positive reinforcement but I will get back up and try again.

What about you? What keeps you trying after being rejected?

The summer break is almost over. Am I ready to re-open my shop?

Summer is just about over and I will soon be opening my shop again. I'm looking forward to it yet I'm a little bit hesitant as well because I don't want to get wrapped up in the "selling as a measure of success" mentality. I have found that I've been a lot kinder to myself these past couple of months and as a result, I've been happier. I've been spending my time learning new things and not being very concerned with the outcome. This is a big change from last June where I felt like I had to keep a rigorous pace of work it I was going to acquire any sort of "success".

Learning to "paint" and layer with Corel.

I remember one night when I was telling my husband that I couldn't veg out in front of the t.v. because I had too much work to do. His response to me was, "Man, that boss of yours is a real slave driver." I try to remember this when I start feeling like I'm not doing "enough". I'm making all these choices and no one is forcing me to work on my Etsy shop every waking hour. I think I have this deep-seeded idea that success will never come to me without sacrifice, pain, lack of sleep and exhaustion. "You gotta pay your dues", I hear.
I'm trying to let go of other people's definition of what success means and recognize the things that make me happy as my own measure.

I can say for sure that I will need longer than two months acquire this mind-shift but I'm optimistic about my progress so far. Do you have a sure fire way to lift yourself out of periods of self-doubt? I would love to hear your thoughts.

Why I've decided to close up shop

A little under three years ago I was just getting back into the studio after having my second child. I was just getting back into creating when I heard about Etsy and thought that by promoting and controlling the sales of my work without the help of a gallery that I might just be able to find my path to my true livelihood. My work doesn't fit into the typical gallery genre in Vancouver so I thought if I broadened my scope to world-wide that surely I would find a market for my work. Thanks to my online exposure I've been able to reach a much bigger audience than ever before. For several years now I've been promoting, marketing, connecting and learning as much as I can to forge a career as an online artist. It's been a great learning experience and I'm pretty proud of the amount I've accomplished.

Here's the catch.....I have found that I have a real problem with selling my artwork, or rather NOT selling my artwork and feeling as though that's a reflection of my self-worth. I struggle with any large dips in sales and wonder if there is something wrong with me as a person. I know this kind of sounds silly but it still happens to me. Because I have wanted to be an artist for so long and have felt that being creative is really where my talents are, I get down on myself when I feel no one is willing to pay me for those talents. I can get paid (minimally) for baking and for serving diners or working at a bookstore but I almost always pay to create and share my artwork. "Do what you love and the money will follow" still hasn't happened for me. I think it's following a bit too far behind and my persistence and optimism is being drained. I know that I can't give up creating (I've tried several times before) but I think I need to release the pressure to sell my creations as a livelihood. I need to find a way to make a living creatively AND happily.

I will be closing my shop starting June 1 for an indefinite amount of time so that I can really examine what I need in my life, what I need to be happy. I will still be blogging and tweeting because I've found my online friends, you, to be a great source of encouragement and inspiration. I do hope you keep checking and sharing your ideas with me. As always, I would love to hear your thoughts and how you've dealt with any money versus creativity issues. Am I the only one?